dONT BE A TEACHER IF U DON’T LIKE FUCKING KIDS????
this can be taken two ways
i have more followers than there are people in my school
people who do math homework in pen are fearless
If I was a famous actor and had a horde of fangirls, I would stay single, and every time an interviewer asked me about my love life, I’d answer that “there’s this one girl I saw at a meeting with fans. I don’t know her name, because of all the fuss with the autographs, and I have only seen her once, but I’m in love with her.” I’d say that, looking all sad and lonely.
Imagine all the fangirls’ faces.
just calm down a second there, satan
I went jogging this morning and i noticed a guy was following me and i was so scared lmfao my heart was pounding and then he finally caught up to me and said “hey you dropped 50 bucks” and i took it and started running and while i’m running i’m laughing because the 50 dollars didn’t belong to me
Plot twist: the-absolute-funniest-posts stops self-promoting
Thats not a plot twist thats a miracle.
I can’t tell if this is them being sarcastic assholes or not
It does not matter how slow you go as long as you’re not my internet connection.
this is the exact reason why i dont talk to anyone anymore
Oh my god.
who has a crush on me. this is very important i need this for research i am a scientist
do they put tattoos on wax figures because one direction
what happens to nitrogen when the sun rises
it becomes daytrogen
I’m going to bed.
don’t let the bed bugs bitrogen